Saint Jerome's   Believe It or Not     By Jeremy Frim

Mad Cow Scare Benefits Lutheran Education

Everyone has heard of bingo, carwashes, and bake sales being used as church fundraisers. However, a sick cow from Alberta has given rise to a whole new kind of fundraiser. The recent mad cow disease scare has wreaked havoc on the Canadian beef industry. With cattle prices dropping, some farmers in the Pembroke area have only been making around two dollars net profit per cow, once transportation costs, fees and taxes are taken into account. This has prompted some farmers to dispose of animals however they can, often by illegal means. However, some Lutheran farmers have found another way around the problem. They donated their animals to their Church, which sent “Divine Bovine” order forms to fellow Lutheran Congregations. Once a congregation got enough 35-pound orders at 100 dollars each, a cow was slaughtered and the meat delivered. Profits are being donated to Grace Lutheran School in Pembroke, which currently operates out of a nearby church’s parish hall, and will use the funds to buy a school building in town. The school offers what it calls a classical Lutheran education from kindergarten to grade seven, including introductory Latin. When the Principal of the school had a meeting to attend in Kitchener, he drove the delivery truck down himself, and was able to give local supporters a first taste.

Also, let it be known that we here at St. Jerome Ministries are supporting this venture by purchasing our very own "fatted calf" to celebrate Melinda's sister Jamie and the author of this collumn comming into the fold.

Bishop Spong now Dabbles in Fortune-Telling

Those of you who are already familiar with American Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong and the rubbish he tries to pass off as “theology” would probably not be surprised at all by some recent statements of his such as “Some day we will see sexual orientation as in the same category as skin color, gender and left-handedness.” There is nothing particularly noteworthy about this statement except for his vague use of the term “sexual orientation.” I presume we are supposed to take it as referring to gender preference, but I am left to wonder if it should not also include different preferences such as age or species. For Bishop Spong to be advocating homosexuality, but not pedophilia or bestiality seems somewhat out of character. Such an exclusive and narrow-minded view of sexual orientation would contradict his “inclusive” and “welcoming” stance on most other sins.

One of Spong’s most recent predictions, however, is much more precise. Believe it or not, he is now giving specific timelines for certain future events. A letter of his on dated April 21, 2004 includes the following prediction:

The United States will have a woman president within twenty-five years and the Roman Catholic Church will have women priests within a decade. Patriarchy is a dying prejudice and even the Pope aided by the patriarch of Constantinople will not be able to resuscitate it.

Anti-Life Groups use Graphic Images to Promote Abortion (i.e. Moloch Returns)

At the end of April, British television aired a show called “My Foetus” which showed an abortion done at four weeks, and also showed images of aborted ten and 21 week old babies. The director of the show, Julia Black, says, “the pro-choice movement can no longer rely on just arguing abortion is a woman’s right. They have to start engaging with the reality.... [A woman needs] to be convinced that abortion is a morally legitimate procedure, even after knowing what it involves.” However, the show was designed to dehumanize the baby rather than show what abortion is all about. From the use of the word “foetus” in the title to the portrayal of abortion as a simple, painless operation, the show made it appear as if it is merely a medical procedure like having tonsils removed, and there were images of the dead baby being washed in a sieve and placed in a petri dish. Ironically, many images were the same ones that a pro-life group was banned from showing on TV a while earlier.
The idea behind showing these images is to desensitize people to abortion so that it is regarded as perfectly normal, and also to render the pro-life tactic of showing these pictures practically useless. A more extreme example showed up at a pro-abortion conference this year in the United States. They actually showed a partial-birth abortion being performed. Disgustingly, after the baby had been killed, the room burst into applause. For such a gruesome act to be applauded by a room full of people is a clear sign of just how corrupt the pro-abortion lobby really is. They have gone far beyond the already lamentable state of seeing abortion as an unfortunate but sometimes necessary evil. It is now conceived of by some as actually good, and this just shows how vital it is that these people be stopped.
 

Experience Poverty: Become Rich

The recently-released American Express Affluence Survey reports that 50% of Canadians earning $200 000 a year  characterize themselves as "getting by" financially.  This statistic is largely meaningless without knowing how the average income earner ($58 000 per household) feels about his wealth.  If, say, 85% of this group said that they were just "getting by", maybe there would not be such cause for alarm.  Interestingly, things are precisely the opposite.  85% of average income earners say they are living "quite comfortably".  A further 10% consider themselves "well-off".  That means that the rich feel they have less money than Joe Average. What accounts for this?  The Canadian tax system?  Hardly!  The surveyors found that high income earners tend spend their money on luxuries they can't really afford.  In other words, once you label yourself as "rich" you suddenly become poor.  I certainly know the feeling of having $20 burning a hole in my pocket (it usually goes right through and lands somewhere next to an empty pint glass).  What would happen if I had $200 000 burning a (much larger) hole in my pocket? Well, I might do something like regularly spending $100 on dinner (like 94% of high income earners).  In my present situation, I don't think I've ever even been to a restaurant where I would be physically capable of consuming $100 worth of food and drinks, although I get the feeling that I would if I felt I had the money.  I might even begin to believe that I had sufficient cash to buy my own happiness (like 31% of my fellow jet-setters).  When Jesus said "blessed are the poor," he wasn't kidding.  When I feel the sting of poverty (which is a relative term for anyone in Canada who isn't actually homeless), I think of that passage and say to myself, "yes, I am blessed because Jesus is consoling me because I'm sad and depressed that I don't have any money (or, rather enough to cover my costs... I mean enough to take a vacation... um...).  No!  While it is true that Christ consoles the poor, the poor are blessed primarily because POVERY IS GOOD FOR US!  It prevents us from spending too much money on stuff we don't really need, which is just about everything.  Ironically, it took a credit card company to remind me of this.  Make of that what you will.

Psychoceramics: Proving Biblical Truth With Computers

I am not trying to be clever with the heading.  The study of Psychoceramics is exactly as I indicated.  A group of researchers claims to have gone through the bible finding all sorts of linguistic anomalies that are too weird to be coincidences (thereby proving the divine authourship of scripture).  Allegedly, a long list of numbers divide evenly by seven.  Things such as the number of words, the number of words beginning with vowels or consonants, the number of words beginning with each letter, the number of nouns etc. etc. Its one of those things that one runs into every so often.  The writers are either a) lying through their teeth or b) correct.  Neither seems very likely, especially considering the length of the report and the work even a charlatan would have to go through to make it.  On the other hand, God usually doesn't give us mathematical surety on matters of faith... come to think of it, that would be a contradiction in terms.  Oh, and if you are more convinced by this than me, you may be forced into becoming a Protestant (I'm speaking to you, our fine Catholic readers), since the entire study was based on the Protestant cannon of scripture, which contains only sixty-six books.  What we need is typology, not mathematics.

Indigo Children

Why is your child, who has been raised by the TV and the computer and given no moral system by which to make sense of the world, undisciplined, hyper and anti-authoritarian?  Why because he is an Indigo Child, of course!  He is the next evolution of mankind; he is smarter, a master of technology and needs no systems to constrain his creativity.  In fact, your conscience as an uninvolved parent can be clear: your laissez-faire parenting style has produced the pinnacle of human development.  Sounds great, doesn't it?  This is the gospel being preached in Jan Tober and Lee Carol's books The Indigo Children and Indigo Celebration.

If this is not sufficient, one may turn to the internet community that has sprung up to celebrate the Indigo "phenomenon." Apparently, not only are disobedient, over-indulged children the next evolution of humanity, they are also the forebringingers of a world-wide spiritual awakening. Messages supposedly received from an "ascended master" have revealed that these children have been sent to prepare us to "return to our galactic Being-ness" and to become "multi-dimensionally oriented." (For those not familiar with New Age terminology, an ascended master is a spiritual being assigned to help guide the spiritual evolution of humanity. There is general disagreement over whether they are aliens from another planet, or human beings who have reached a higher plane of development -- but either way we can be sure that Jesus Christ was actually one of their number.) Apparently, these children are establishing a sort of psychic infrastructure that will enable all of us to achieve wholeness, oneness and godhood. Naturally, they also have a new form of DNA, advanced psychic powers, and an ability to perceive more than three dimensions of reality.

This is this obviously idiotic new age tripe, but its implications are rather frightening.  The language used by these people is almost worshipful, as if their kids were higher beings -- so you can imagine what sort of effect this will have on their parenting, and on the psychology of their supposedly more evolved offspring.  It’s a scary reversal of the parent-child relationship, which includes a dogmatic presupposition that your child knows what is good for them better than you do. Add to this the fact that one of the signs that your child is an Indigo is that they are already spoiled, demanding and disobedient, and you can see that what is being proposed is a recipe for disaster. It's interesting to note that even the authors of the book recognize that the children responsible for school shootings in the U.S. have all been "Indigos" -- makes you wonder whether these "Indigo Children" are really the Chrysalids, as promised, or if they are more likely to turn out to be Midwich Cuckoos.

Transsexuals: A Learning Opportunity

It was bound to happen eventually.  Sex changes (or "sex-reassignment surgery" as the enlightened call it) are now possible and people really do get them.  It was only a matter of time before one of them was an elementary school teacher.  This is exactly what happened in Vancouver at which a grade 5 teacher has undergone the surgery and will now be returning to the classroom in January as a woman.  We don't have to point out to any of you, our fine Catholic readers, the plethora of problems with this, but someone needs to tell the parents at that school.  You see, the most shocking thing about this story is not that it happened, but that only about half a dozen parents expressed concern.  The school administration is going to be treating the matter as a "learning opportunity" for the kids and will tell the students that it is a "medical condition".

The Order of the Holy Grail and the Schismatic Vampire Hunter

It was 1973, a small group of Britons calling themselves the Church of the Holy Grail got together in Glastonbury under the auspices of the Old Catholics (a schismatic group that rejects Vatican I and papal infallibility) and revived the Celtic Church, which was reconciled to Rome in 664.  This last group of real Christians consists of a few hundred people under one bishop, Seán Manchester, who, when he's not presiding over the entire Christian community of the planet, fights vampires.

Now you're probably picturing garlic, crucifixes and staked corpses a la Hollywood B-Movies -- and, if Seán's story is to be believed, your picture is right. He claims to have fought with scores of Vampires, all in the traditional way, and to have dispatched them using a combination of the Latin Rite of Exorcism (which is apparently not sufficient in and of itself), staking, and cremating the corpses. A liberal dash of garlic, a sprinkling of Holy Water, and the stories of a couple of young girls who claim to have been the victims of these vampires, and you have a story that is largely indistinguishable from  any of a dozen pulp horror novels.

So is this guy a charlatan, or are we to believe that vampires really do exist, and behave the way that they do in bad fiction? The answer doesn't quite seem to be either. Seán comes across as a hopeless Romantic who wants to believe in his own story far too much to have instituted an organized hoax. There are, however, certain details that can't be explained away except by clever and deliberate deception, or by the presence of real supernatural evil. Whether that evil is actually a vampire, whether it is effected by cement mixed with garlic, and whether Seán's relation of the events is entirely accurate is, obviously, subject to a healthy dose of salt, but, if you're interested in a modern, "real life" vampire story, and you can stomach the cliches, try searching on-line for the Highgate Vampire.

Rapture Ready

Rapture Ready (www.raptureready.com) is a gigantic site about everything to do with the supposed "rapture": the Protestant idea that Christians (i.e. born again Protestants) will be taken up to heaven, body and soul,  in an instant, without warning and without anyone else knowing what is going on.  Meanwhile everyone else will be left on Earth to suffer great tribulation.  It's a big deal among North American Protestants, and there are hundreds of sites dedicated to trying to prove this doctrine using very complicated but unsound scriptural exegesis.  Of course,  the Catholic doctrine is that at the end of time Christ will come in a very obvious way and everybody will be judged at the same time.

Anyway, the highlights of Rapture Ready include:

The Rapture Index

The author of the site explains it like this: "You could say the Rapture index is a Dow Jones Industrial Average of end time activity, but I think it would be better if you viewed it as prophetic speedometer. The higher the number, the faster we're moving towards the occurrence of pre-tribulation rapture." As of July 22nd, the Index was at 173 (at such a high level of speed, you are instructed to "fasten your seatbelt"). There are forty five factors which are monitored daily and given a rating.  These include: Russian involvement on the world stage, the price of oil, ecumenism (the Pope talking to the Orthodox is a clear sign of the end), and the Peace Process (if the Israeli's stop fighting the Palestinians, this is a bad thing).  Of course, the Index doesn't claim to know the exact date of the Second Coming (as other sites do) because the Bible says that we can't know.  However, those writing the Index clearly want to know the date and are anxious about it, and that is a problem.  It does not benefit us to know the day and the hour of the final judgement and I think that spending much of our time speculating about leads us to forget our own personal judgement, which could happen when you are unexpectedly hit by a rhinoceros on the way to work tomorrow.

The Mr. Antichrist Evil Pageant

This collection of candidates for the position of antichrist can be found in the "Photorama" section.  Although it's authour may not intend for it to be taken fully seriously its existence remains far from justified.  The candidates for antichrist are as follows: Bill Gates, Muammar Qaddaffi, Mikhail Gorbachov, King Juan Carlos, Kofi Annan, Prince Charles, Vladimir Putin, Saddam Hussein, Uday Hussein, Yasser Arafat and Tony Blair. To cut them some slack, Tony Blair is considered a "light weight contender", but that somehow doesn't make it any less ridiculous.  Lesson of the day: don't become a public figure or some Protestant somewhere will accuse you of being the antichrist.

Mansions in Heaven

"The Bible says each believer will be rewarded according to what good deeds he performs here on earth. I thought I'd speculated on what type of abode many Christians might find when they walked up to their heavenly mansion."

I was previously unaware of this particular biblical teaching, but thanks again to the "Photorama" section of Rapture Ready we can all find out what our houses are going to look like.  Will you be in the colonial mansion, the trailer, or the outhouse?  I am heartened to find out that in heaven we will all be living out the American dream.

Prof. Audrey Fisch

They really will give a Ph.D. to anyone with the time and money.  this Professor of English and Women's Studies (always a deadly combination)  wrote an article for Planned Parenthood called A New Solution to Unplanned Pregnancy  which you can read at www.plannedparenthood.org/articles/solution.html.  The article is listed as satire, but what is meant by "satire" seems to be "regrettably, no one is likely to take this seriously, but I really wish someone would". Here is a choice slice of her rant:

"The solution I offer you here is universal vasectomies. The American male will have his tubes tied at the earliest opportunity to ensure that he is never the unwitting cause of an unintended pregnancy. He, and all his boyhood friends, will reserve a sufficient number of sperm in one of many national sperm banks to allow for future fertilization, if children are desired.

Boys would finally have a major rite of passage to signal their entrance into manhood that would rival the onset of female menstruation. Think of the possibilities for ritual/consumer celebrations with which our culture could mark the occasion of that first visit to the sperm bank!

By eliminating unplanned and unwanted pregnancies, we would also go a long way toward reducing the need for abortion — the supposed goal of the anti-choice forces [that's us! --eds.]. But something tells me, though, that these fanatics aren't likely to accept my solution."

Forced universal sterilization of children so that sex and procreation can forever be separate.  Remember: we are the fanatics.

Christian Goth

I'm sure all of you are familiar with the sort of teenager who dresses in black clothes, wears white make-up with black lipstick and sports fishnet stockings on their arms.  At every high school in North America there are at least a dozen of them.   Many of them are depressed, angry, or at very least filled with that angsty, rebellious teenage spirit so common in youth. Most of them are poster children for a generation that is on its spiritual deathbed.  Some are Christian.  At www.christiangoth.com you will find a group of young people who have taken all of their angst and channeled it into being some of the most zealous disciples of Christ around.  They haven't taken off their black clothes or their makeup, but rather than being people with one foot in two worlds, they have taken the existentialist and self-destructive philosophy of the Goth movement and turned it into a Christian spirituality that focuses on death to self, authenticity and an acute awareness of one's own bodily mortality.  A large part of their ministry is to bring the Gospel to other Goths.  As near as I can tell, none of them are Catholic, but I suspect its only a matter of time.  Their spirituality is closer to Medieval Catholicism than to modern Protestantism and besides, what Goth could resist a dark Cathedral full of thick heady incense, hundreds of candles and the chanting of darkly robed monks?  

Lilith

According to feminist mythology (and certain music concert organizers supported by Planned Parenthood) Lilith was the first wife of Adam. She was created as Adam was, from the earth, but naturally Adam, being a man, insisted that he must have dominion over her (especially sexual dominion) and so she ran away and refused to submit to him. She is seen as a patroness of feminists everywhere, as the proto-typical liberated woman. In the more imaginative versions she and Eve become lesbian lovers, presumably establishing the real norm of female happiness in doing so. It is claimed that this story was left out of the Bible either out of ignorance or a desire to cover up the uncomfortable truth.  It is interesting, however, to examine the older data on this demoness – for so she is universally acclaimed by the earliest sources. Her name appears in Isaiah as a symbol of destruction. This is consistent with all early references, both in Jewish writings and the writings of other contemporary cultures. She is almost always called a demon or evil spirit, she is called a murderess, and most references to her appear in inscriptions or prayers designed to protect oneself from her. The earliest known source of a myth resembling that of the feminists appears in the 12th or 13th century, only the myth adds a couple of interesting details. First, the issue of dominance is specifically sexual – apparently the myth arose as a sort of cautionary morality tale against sexually dominant women. Secondly, when she refuses to return to Adam she gains her freedom at the cost of the lives of 100 of her children per day, and she becomes a demoness who brings sickness to newborn infants. The parallel is clear – how many children die to abortion and contraception in order that the feminists may gain their freedom, and especially their sexual freedom? Isn’t it interesting that they chose for themselves the demon most likely to be their real patroness…

Neale Donald Walsch

This man has written thousands of pages over several best-selling books documenting his "conversation with God".  If he is really having a conversation, it is clearly with a demon or with some schizophrenic  fragment of himself.  It saddens me to see so many people taken in by his false spirituality.  Here are some quotes from "God" from Walsch's book Friendship with God:

"There is no way for you not to return to Heaven, for there is no place else to go." (p. 168)

"What kind of change do you create in that part of yourself that you call the mosquito... You cannot kill a mosquito against its will.  At some level, the mosquito has chosen that." (p. 371)

"Is it okay to cut off your hair?  Is it okay to cut out your heart?  Is there any difference? ...  I have no will separate from your own ... It is not for me to tell you what is right or wrong, what is better or worse, what to do and what not to do." (p. 386)

Here we have two premises leading to a conclusion.  Premise one: our actions in life have no consequences in the afterlife.  Premise two: all things are God. Conclusion:  My will is supreme over all things and I can do whatever I want.  This kind of thinking is fairly typical when western modernism (premise one) is combined with eastern pantheism (premise two).  Hindus are pantheists, but because they have a concept of moral responsibility (karma), they do not arrive at the conclusion of a western New Ager like Neale Donald Walsch.

Sin is ugly.  It is a very difficult thing to admit our sins and accept responsibility for them.  At the root of most popular spirituality, you will find a denial of personal responsibility.  It is easy to understand the appeal of this kind of spirituality, but it is philosophically bankrupt and does not give us the kind of true freedom that we can only get through Divine Mercy.

Laugh Therapy

Perhaps America's most famous anti-Catholic and almost certainly the world's best example of a man who receives more attention than he deserves.  His ministry involves the distribution of short comic tracts and his series of "Crusader Comics" featuring Aberto the ex-Jesuit priest.  His comics range from the half-way decent (like his pro-life tract) to the very-difficult-not-to-laugh-at (like his 20-panel strawman refutations of Buddhism, Islam and Judaism) to the ridiculous (like his "exposure" of the truth that the pope's created communism and nazism) to the offensive and blasphemous (like the infamous "death cookie" comic about the Eucharist).  All this is interspersed with Jack's self-aggrandizing opinion pieces, such as how free speech doesn't exist in Canada because our government doesn't allow some of his comics in under out hate speech laws.  When asked if he must be so offensive Jack answers (in the thrid person, inexplicably) "Absolutely! Because in Jack's mind, it's better that he offend you than let you offend God. *Because you gonna burn, suckah!)"  If all this wasn't enough, Chick also pushes the once-saved-always-saved Protestant agenda, a doctrine that many people find so appealing that they seem not to notice how little sense it makes and what a total absense of support there is for it in scripture.  Nevertheless, even though he continues to be largely unsuccessful in recruiting people to his side and his arguments can be refuted by a boiled asparagus of average intelligence his ministry is actually a real threat to the Church.  His views are so ludicrously extreme that he makes plain vanilla fundamentalism seem pretty sensible by comparrison.

Catholics for a Free Choice

Liberals in the extreme.  In my day, heretics would argue over points of theology.  Today, your heretics seem to argue about whether or not they have the right to tear their children apart before they have left the womb. They accuse Bishops of murder for not allowing condoms.  They openly advocate abortion.  They seem completely disinterested in moral truth and do not even attempt to use scripture to prove any of their ridiculous assertions -- just as well, because they would be at a complete loss.  One of their main campaigns, under the corn-ball moniker of "See Change", is an attempt to reduce the power of the Vatican in the UN.  The only possible reason for this could be to ensure that the teachings of Christ are not heard on the international stage -- unless, of course, they don't believe that the Church of Christ proclaims the teachings of Christ, but then they wouldn't be calling themselves Catholics, would they?

www.cath4choice.org

The Breatharian Page

A "doctor" who is advocating eating nothing in order to attain immortality.  The theology behind it is unclear, and the science appears to be non-existent.  I acknowledge the connection between fasting and eternal life and have a hearty disdain for gluttony.  However, these people have something very different in mind. Instead of wanting eternal communion with their creator, they seek eternal communion with themselves while leaching off of God's creation.  They desire eternal life on Earth, but will find something very different when they starve to death.

seasilver.threadnet.com/Preventorium/breathar.htm

Pope Michael

"On July 16, 1990 the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Roman Church elected David Bawden as Pope Michael, ending an almost 32 year long interegnum." Our new "Pope" offers nothing to substantiate this claim, although he claims he has written a book explaining it all.  However, the relevant sections of it, such as why, in his estimation, John Paul II is a heretic, are inexplicably not present in the on-line version of the text.  This is where one ends up when one trusts oneself over the Magisterium of the Church.  I imagine his thoughts must run something like: "I disagree with the Magisterium, but the Magisterium is infallible.  Therefore, I must be the Magisterium."  Lunacy.  You will also notice that the visible Church founded by Christ is only visible if you happen to stumble upon its free Web Site hosted by Homestead.

www.homestead.com/POPEMICHAEL/