| Neil
Patterson on Courtship:
The question of courtship is usually
framed
as a matter of finding someone with whom one is "compatible".
However,
the criterion of compatibility is far less restrictive than is normally
supposed. To the end of proving this point and ensuring the
future
happiness of those around me, I suggest the following method of
courtship.
Firstly, as Chris Selmys has already boldly asserted, there is no need
to date. Simply find a woman with whom you have been well
acquainted
and on amicable terms for some months (Chris' one-year rule is not bad,
but I see no reason to be so dogmatic about it). Then say to her
the following words, or ones to similar effect (if you are a woman,
then
you need only wait for a man to make such a speech to you):
"X, (you should insert the name of
your lady
here) it's a rather nice day, isn't it? (or some other innocent
preamble).
You know, a few facts have come to my attention recently.
(1) We are both good solid
unmarried
orthodox Catholics. (Orthodox Christians are okay, but I
disrecommend
Protestants.)
(2) Neither of us has any lofty
plans
to enter the cloister or receive Holy Orders.
(3) I am willing to give my life
entirely
to you, make any sacrifices that are required for your well-being and
think
of you always before myself. (You may think that it is here that
the
restrictive nature of compatibility comes in, but not so. Many
people
give their lives to starving refugees, heroin addicts and the mentally
ill and I guarantee that your lady is not a tenth as bad as all
that.
Also, keep in mind that you can rephrase (3) as "I love you".)
(4) You are the most beautiful woman I
have
ever seen. (This need not be objectively true, but the vast
majority
of women are quite pleasing to the eye if you care to look at them in
the
right way. Also, it scores you big points towards getting your
desired
answer.)
Therefore, I am curious as to whether
you
have a reciprocal disposition regarding point three. If so, I can
see no reason why we should not get married."
There it is. Neil's five-minute
courtship.
You may still object, "but how will I know if all my needs will be
met?"
You will know for sure -- they won't. Not all of them
anyway.
Marriage is a long blessed and happy existence of brutal sacrifice and
endless self-denial. All attempts at "compatibility" are merely
cowardly
attempts at getting around the conditions laid out under (3).
Yes,
I'm afraid that when you got baptized, this is what you signed up for.
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Melinda Buys Neil a Beer!
I have to say that this is the single most sober
commentary on the
subject of courtship I've ever read -- indeed, if Commander Data had
ever
taken to mind to get married, I imagine this is more or less the way
he'd
go about it. Very amusing, and in many ways preferrable to the
ridiculous
romantic intrigues and complications in which I see so many of my
friends
embroiled.
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Heidi sends Neil some water!
I find Neil's
approach far too mechanistic. Is there any reason at all why he should
chose this individual woman apart from all the others members of her
sex?! Is it because this is the only woman who will agree with him as
to point 3 above?! Of course he has admitted that she is at least
superficially attractive, but then he has just a quickly proceed to
concede that this is true of the majority of women and does not even
belong in a higher degree to the one of his unexplained
interest.
I think you need a water Mr Patterson.
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'Anonymous Minor' sends Neil some
water!
I am very fascinated by your ideas... I
can hardly wait for the day when my good
friend-of-a-year-or-possibly-just-a-few-months-to-be approaches me with
the proposal “Hey, we're both Catholic,hopefully, and without plans of
unmarried-religious-life. Not only that, but having known you for
several (insert time periods here)I have come to hold you in high
esteem and could spend the rest of my life with you if I was called
upon to do so. I also find you mildly attractive, like the other
females about the planet, so let's get hitched. It beats the absurd
dating rituals performed by my peers that I am surrounded by every day
at school... I would have bought you a beer, but my being a minor
conflicts with that wish. I hope you have a good imagination--just
pretend it's American beer.
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