In a recent rather hawkish and Inquisitorial outburst, our august liberator Moses was seen smashing a couple of stone tablets and gesticulating furiously as the people gave vent to a little midsummer revelry. Fresh from an extended vacation on Mt. Sinai, the Egyptian blueblood turned theocrat ordered that the whole festival be repressed. Within minutes, the fleshpots had been confiscated, and the couples ordered to re-clothe. This evidently not being enough, Moses then decreed that the Golden Calf (an important part of the new multifaith service) be melted down and put on the Index of Forbidden Items. Witnesses at the scene felt thoroughly oppressed by the apparition, and there was even talk of someone's inner child having bled. One freethinker noted that if a little merry-making after the rigours of the desert were to be forbidden, then "we might as well all just go and beat ourselves to death in our graves."

"As a Chosen Person I feel ashamed" his liberated beau added, "The destruction of the Golden Calf goes against the values of diversity, tolerance, and inclusivity, which progressive Israelites pride themselves upon." A chorus of similar opinions were aired as camp psychologists distributed emergency crying towels.  Only a few loyalists supported Moses' actions. "When we hear that the Lord is a jealous God" his publicist stated, "it doesn't mean that He is petty and vindictive, just that He is zealous for His own people's good." But 90% of Israelites surveyed agreed that such hairsplitting is hypocritical, and that the Golden Calf should have been placed beside the Ark of the Covenant in celebration of peace, love, and  tolerance for all.  However, one staunch pre-Calf of the old establishment wagged his beard in disagreement. "Going to the dogs" he said, pointing to
the youth. "It's worse than Egypt. At least there we had rods for them." Such crusty opinions are  
 
 
 
 

representative of the Mosaic Right, and form a largely reactionary response to Goldencalfism.

The general consensus in the camp seemed to be that while Moses and conservatives like him are well within their rights to worship the Lord God, it is nothing short of reptilian prudery to demonize people's sexual preferences, and nothing less than crass dogmatism to ban a revered symbol of the Egyptian Faith. As a sweet-voiced orator with a trim goatee and the odd addition of something like red horns (he is not therefore to be discriminated against) so brilliantly put it: "What is "idolatry of a graven image" to one man" he said, "might in the final analysis just be the necessary precursor to a pluralistic society founded upon the universal values of tolerance, acceptance, and freedom of conscience for all. Let the spooky old prejudices of a bygone era keel over like a palsied brontosaurus.  We have today the opportunity to build a brave New Israel which respects the native spiritualities of the Egyptians, the Canaanites, and the Babylonians, weaving together a rich multicultural tapestry - a land flowing with milk and honey indeed."